Letter to Grieving Parents
admin January 27th, 2006
On January 26, 2006, just one day before his foster parents were to finalize his adoption, a twenty-month-old boy died in a firey car wreck along with his four siblings and two cousins. His fifteen-year-old foster sister, Nicki, was not at fault. She was, however, behind the wheel — a fact for which her grief-stricken parents are unlikely to forgive themselves any time soon.
Unfortunately, the media response has been predictable. Foster parents are easy targets: Hardly anyone gave more than a cursory glance at the truck driver that smashed into the back end of their car, crushing it against the side of a parked school bus. At times of such mind-numbing tragedy, even people of strong faith find themselves groping to make sense of it all. At such times, knowing that one has the prayerful support of others, even strangers, can make all the difference. (for more on this, check out my adoptive parents column on catholicmom.com.)
And so, I’m sending this out into cyberspace, hoping that those who pick it up will remember the family of Barbara and Terry Mann — and the truck driver, Alvin Wilkerson, an employee of Crete Carriers in Lincoln, Nebraska.
Dear Friends in Christ,
As an adoptive foster parent, my heart goes out to you at this time of devastating loss. There is nothing I can say that will fix this awful reality. I only want to let you know that people all over the country are praying for you right now, keeping you close to the heart of Jesus. When life grows too dark to see in front of your face, it can help to know that you are not journeying alone.
As a Catholic, I believe that those who die in Christ are not separated from the rest of the Family of God here on earth. I believe that God’s heart broke as your children died, for He understands only too well what it means to lose a child. His Son died so that your children will never be separated from His love. He entrusted them to you for a time, and although He did not cause the accident that ended their earthly lives, He was there in His infinite wisdom to welcome them home.
In my tradition, it is customary to have a Mass offered on behalf of a loved one who has died. I believe the angels and saints are standing around the throne of God, and that their prayers on behalf of your family rise like incense before Him. The Mass is a powerful prayer, both as an expression of that heavenly reality and a powerful re-presentation of the one, perfect sacrifice of Christ. As members of the Church of Christ, you likely do not observe this same tradition, or even be favorably inclined toward the Catholic Church. However, I hope you will will accept my gesture for what it is: an expression of concern from a friend and sister in Christ who wants to help in the best way she knows how.
My friend Johnnette Benkovic, who lost her son in a car accident two years ago, said that knowing other people were praying in this way brought her a great deal of comfort. May the Lord comfort you as you are best able to receive it, and know that your extended family of faith is walking beside you, even if you cannot sense our presence.
May our Lord and Lady hold you close to the Sacred Heart.
